Self-love for the new-cum-er and the pro
Getting ready to roll around between the sheets can be a fun, exhilarating experience.
Not only do you allow yourself time to relax, release endorphins and have multiple orgasms, you also don’t need a partner to get your post-orgasm glow on.
Sitting yourself down and scheduling in a solo session with you and your imagination can be exactly what the doctor ordered!
Sitting yourself down and scheduling in a solo session with you and your imagination can be exactly what the doctor ordered!
While masturbation has been a somewhat taboo topic even when we discuss sex in the outside world amongst friends, it is becoming more mainstream and normalised within our society thanks to media coverage, scenes on TV shows and in films, celebrities discussing it openly in interviews, and acceptance from sex-positive influencers.
While it’s now easier and less frowned upon to discuss masturbation outside of the home, there lies a certain mystery about the topic which allows for myths and misunderstandings to take on a life of their own.
When it comes to learning how to love yourself down there, it really does start in your own mind. Getting rid of stigmas and shame surrounding self-pleasure can be difficult to navigate at first, especially if you’re a new-cum-er to the solo play routine.
It’s important to understand that everyone’s journey through self-exploration is different and we each experience unique emotions, feelings and pleasures down there; just like our likes and dislikes with a partner, we have our own ways of enjoying self-stimulation.
What you might not know about masturbation
Solo play or masturbating is when someone experiences sexual pleasure and arousal on their own through touching and stimulating their genital area.
While solo play and sex with a partner (or partners) are very different experiences in themselves, some couples feel that when their partner masturbates, it means they aren’t satisfied in bed.
However, it’s very common for individuals in a couple to want to masturbate. While observing behaviours in couples in my own sessions, I’ve found some people aren’t as encouraging or accepting of their partner engaging in masturbation. This can be due to lack of frequent sex the couple has or doubts they have about how satisfying their sex life is, feeling like they aren’t fulfilling their partner’s needs in the bedroom.
The fact is most people who masturbate are actually quite satisfied with their sex life. Even if they frequently masturbate it doesn’t mean they aren’t getting enough sex. Rather, it means they are using solo play as a way to unwind, clear their head or just get a good night’s sleep. In most cases, getting yourself off can lead to wanting more sex and craving arousal as you become more comfortable with your body. Plus, you’re more likely to reach orgasm during sex with a partner if you’ve done it on your own.
Getting yourself off can lead to wanting more sex and craving arousal as you become more comfortable with your body
Many of us grow up with the belief that it’s healthy for boys to masturbate while they get to know their sexual organs early on such as touching themselves when urinating. For girls, it’s quite a different story; not only is female masturbation less discussed in schools or studies, it has also been covered in decades of shame and misinformation due to systematic sexism and patriarchy.
For years, women have been ridiculed for owning their sexuality. Girls aren’t encouraged to explore their vulvas or touch themselves, which can lead to the common feeling of post-orgasm guilt if they do masturbate when they become more educated on the topic.
As our society is becoming more knowledgeable about female masturbation, there are certain benefits that should be highlighted to encourage masturbation that helps maintain a healthy lifestyle and mental wellbeing.
How we benefit from self-pleasure
Getting to know yourself down-under can help you figure out what you enjoy sexually, allowing you to communicate with a sexual partner about your likes and dislikes between the sheets. Not only does this help you get closer to your partner and open lines of communication, it increases your chances of mind-blowing orgasms and potentially a more fulfilling sex life.
Getting to know yourself down-under can help you figure out what you enjoy sexually, allowing you to communicate with a sexual partner
Thankfully, masturbation doesn’t just feel good, it actually harnesses a myriad of health benefits for both men and women. As we start to touch ourselves down there, feelings of arousal and excitement can take over due to the increasing levels of endorphins and hormones starting to circulate. After an orgasm, these levels reach their peak and can help with temporary pain relief. This is especially evident when it comes to targeting period pains and cramps as well as fighting headaches and muscle soreness.
While these endorphins are being released into your body, that post-orgasm feeling is also designed to help you catch your zzz’s easier too. It’s a well-known fact that men notoriously fall asleep straight after sex and that masturbating can help you sleep, and it’s true for women too – our brains create the prolactin hormone post-orgasm that signals to our body that sexy time is over, to turn the lights off and get to snoozing.
Giving yourself some alone time will also lower your stress hormones and give you the opportunity to really let go of the day. While masturbating can sometimes feel like a workout — yes ladies, it strengthens your pelvic floor too — your self-stimulation also helps fight the nasties.
Giving yourself some alone time will … give you the opportunity to really let go of the day
For females, having an orgasm increases your vaginal pH levels, producing good bacteria that prevents yeast infections while your post-masturbation urination reduces your risks of contracting a urinary tract infection (UTI). For males, masturbating helps lower the risk of prostate cancer while helping reduce their blood pressure thanks to the relaxing side effects of O-town.
Tips to prepare yourself for masturbation
Now that you understand the amazing effects that masturbation has to offer, it’s time to get down to business and get to know yourself down there. Whether you’re new to the solo pleasure game or an experienced self-starter, we’ve devised a few tips that will help you give your best orgasm a run for its money.
Say hello to my little friend
If you’re a first-time rider to the masturbation station or want to get to know the area better, simply grab a handheld mirror and get comfortable with all the angles of your bits. Exploring yourself in more ways than one, set aside some time by yourself just to gander at you in all your sexual glory. Becoming comfortable with your parts and being confident in your skin will help set the stage for a more enlightened and satisfying solo experience.
Time for some self-care
While it might not seem related, taking time to do the things that help you relax and unwind from the day actually helps set up your self-pleasure mindset. Whether your self-care routine consists of taking a hot shower or drawing a long, aromatic bath, getting into comfortable clothes, indulging in your favourite foods or watching reality TV shows, giving your brain a break is essential to creating a relaxed environment and a good foundation for your pleasure-filled night ahead.
Add a helping hand
When you’ve been playing solo for a while sometimes things can become a little mundane, especially if you’re always using the same tools and movements every time. Why not step up your orgasm game and give your hand a break? Adding a little help with a toy from time to time can shake up your self-pleasure routine and allow for a groundbreaking performance.
Adding a little help with a toy from time to time can shake up your self-pleasure routine
If you’re wanting to start slow, going with a small bullet vibrator can work a treat on external erogenous areas, or try something more on the penetrative side, like a g-spot vibrator, that will target that inner zone in no time. Men can take the hard work out of getting off too with toys that stimulate him in the best way possible, whether they prefer on their shaft using a masturbator or sensitive prostate gland reached via the rear entry.
Let your mind play tricks
Though we might think that getting involved in solo play comes out of the blue and only at night, one way you can build up the tension and give yourself an orgasm to never forget is to start your arousal during the day.
One way you can build up the tension and give yourself an orgasm to never forget is to start your arousal during the day
Wherever you are, whether you’re at work, studying, shopping, or driving around, thinking about things that bring you pleasure can help set the tone for the rest of the day. Giving into your fantasies and daydreaming about your best sexual experiences allows your mind to crave an orgasm, so much so you could end up having multiple because of the powerful build up!
Get wet and wild
The great thing about giving yourself a sexual release is that you can use as many products as you like; introducing a water-based and quality lube to your sex life doesn’t need to be reserved for a partnered experience. Adding lube to your self-love repertoire can be just as fun and stimulating, allowing more potential for a mind-blowing orgasm all on your own!
Find a water-based lubricant that you love the smell (and taste) of – bringing your senses into the mix when starting your arousal session helps stimulate more than your pleasure center, your brain becomes more invested in the experience too.
Make it a sensory overload
Getting to orgasm is the main goal for masturbation, but the journey is just as exciting and thrilling as the destination. Creating a whirlwind experience from start to finish will give you the ultimate benefits of solo play, and it begins with lighting up your senses.
Find sheets you love to feel, wear some sexy lingerie for yourself, indulge in chocolate-covered strawberries, light your favourite scented candles, put on your sensual playlist, read an erotic novel or engage with light porn. Take time with these and really be in the moment, having foreplay with yourself is just as important as foreplay with a partner.
From there, you should be ready to get your feels on, grabbing your handy vibrator and lube and getting comfortable between the sheets. If you want something next level, move your location to the bath and utilise the running faucet, or pop on a load of laundry and take a seat on the washer for the ride you deserve.
You’re all set to get wet
Being comfortable within yourself to understand your body and tuning in with your feelings starts with exploring your own pleasures. When we become more aware of our emotions, check in with our feelings and are accepting of the things we enjoy in life, the more enjoyable and satisfying our sex lives are, with ourselves and with others. Observe how you feel when it’s just you, be open to your journey and take the opportunity to self-care; reap the rewards of solo play and discover the benefits during your next session of much-needed alone time.
