Enjoying Sex After Erectile Dysfunction

Great sex doesn’t start and end with an erection. And once you realise that, a whole world of pleasure opens up. Erectile dysfunction might feel frustrating at first, but it doesn’t have to be a cockblock to intimacy. In fact, it can be an opportunity to explore new ways to connect, experience pleasure, and enjoy deeply satisfying sex. With the right mindset and approach, you can rediscover intimacy in ways that might even surprise you.

Not convinced? I’m a qualified Counselling Sexologist, and here’s my tips to help you enjoy satisfying, pleasurable sex. Regardless of erectile dysfunction.

Expand your understanding of sex

Let me let you in on a little secret – sex can be so much better when you slow down and include the entire body to receive and give pleasure. I know, that probably sounds wild. But think about it; most of us have been taught that sex is all about the end goal, rushing toward orgasm instead of actually enjoying the ride.

Now’s your chance to rewrite the script. It’s okay if erectile dysfunction makes you go soft. You can make sex about more than just penetration or performance. Sex can be about play, exploration, and new kinds of pleasure. Kisses that last longer, touches that send shivers down your spine, even new desires you haven’t discovered yet. And if you’re not sure where to start, try this naughty dice set. They’ll help you break old habits and dive into something more playful, intimate, and honestly, way hotter.

Erectile dysfunction top tip: try soft-penis play

Many penis owners feel they must be hard before initiating sex. But an erection isn’t a prerequisite for intimacy and pleasure! There is so much to enjoy and experience without an erection being required.

Slowing down and focusing on full-body pleasure can be incredibly rewarding. Long make-out sessions, prolonged cuddling, and maintaining eye contact for extended periods all release oxytocin which is known as the bonding hormone. This makes couples feel loved and a close to one another. This helps reduce stress around sex. Feeling safe and less pressured increases the likelihood that your body will respond positively. Which could mean having an easier time getting and maintaining an erection.

Explore your other erogenous zones

Here’s the thing—your penis isn’t the only star of the show. There are so many other areas of your body that can bring pleasure, and this is the perfect time to explore them.

If you have a partner, invite them to get playful with different erogenous zones such as your ears, scalp, back, nipples, hands, feet, or your anus. Let them experiment with light touches, kisses, or even a bit of teasing pressure. When something feels good, let them know! A simple “Mmm, that feels amazing” or “Right there, do that again” helps guide them, while also keeping you both engaged in the moment. The more you communicate, the more they can layer in different sensations, building arousal in a way that doesn’t revolve around your penis.

Erectile dysfunction tips for solo play

Masturbation is a chance to explore what you enjoy without any pressure. Try running your fingers over your body, using a warm oil to massage your chest or thighs, or even experimenting with a feather-light touch on your skin. You might be surprised by what sends shivers through your body. The key is to stay curious, enjoy the sensations, and let go of expectations—pleasure isn’t just about an erection, it’s about how good you feel.

Invite yourself to get comfortable with your body by exploring touch in front of a mirror. Run your hands over your face, stomach, really anywhere that feels good. Gently touch your penis, not with the goal of making it hard, but simply to get used to how it looks and feels when soft. Spending time naked with a soft penis while experiencing pleasure can also help to normalise it in your mind. This can help reframe the way you see your body, shifting from frustration to appreciation. The more familiar and at ease you become with your soft penis, the less pressure you’ll feel around arousal and performance.

Audio-Erotica: Taking you beyond erectile dysfunction

Touch isn’t the only way to create arousal; engaging the mind is just as powerful. When you stimulate mental arousal, you can build desire, increase pleasure, and create a more intimate connection with yourself or partner.

One of the best ways to do this? Audio-erotica.

Listening to sensual stories and guided fantasies can transport you into a deeply immersive experience. For men and penis owners with erectile dysfunction, this can be a game-changer. Audio adds arousal that isn’t from physical sensation and takes the pressure of you to perform. Instead, you get to react and build arousal in a non-physical way. Rather than chasing an erection, you get to feel turned on from the inside out.

Incorporating Audio-erotica into your pleasure

If you are flying solo, this is what I want you to do: get lost in a story instead of focusing on whether you get hard. Close your eyes, listen, and notice how your body responds. Maybe a whisper sends tingles down your spine, or a particularly vivid description stirs something deep inside you. Try pairing audio-erotica with slow, mindful touch—running your hands over your body as suggested above.

You can also do this with a partner. Listening to erotic audio together can help you both get in the mood without relying on visual cues or traditional foreplay. You might find yourselves turned on just by the buildup of a story, leading to deep kisses, teasing touches, or exploring new sensations in a relaxed and pressure-free way.

Sex toys and aids for erectile dysfunction

There are several treatment options for erectile dysfunction, and sex toys can be a great addition to the mix! Cock rings, prostate massagers, and vibrating butt plugs can enhance pleasure and help maintain erections.

Penis pumps are a tool that deserves a special shout out. By inserting the penis into a vacuum cylinder, a rigid erection can be achieved. A cock ring can then be placed at the base to maintain the firmness by restricting blood flow. Massaging plumping creams may also encourage blood flow to the penis region which could be explored prior to a vacuum device, or initially just massaged into the penis with a hand.

It can take time to get used to using a vacuum device and cock ring, and then transitioning into penetrative sex. It certainly takes some adjustment to initiate these pre-sex steps and acknowledge you must commence sex in a different way.

Research suggests that it may take 1-2 years for most penis owners to feel fully satisfied with their sex life after incorporating a penis pump, so if you want to try it patience is key!

How to support your partner’s erectile dysfunction journey

If your partner is deal with erectile dysfunction, there’s a few things you can do to make your sex life better.

1. Encourage open communication: Create a safe space for honest conversations about erectile dysfunction, desires, boundaries and needs. Reassure your partner that their value and your relationship aren’t defined by erectile function. Ask about their feelings, concerns, and what they need from you to feel supported.
2. Focus on please beyond penetration: Explore intimacy in ways that don’t rely on an erection. Offer sensual massages, kiss deeply, and experiment with oral sex or manual stimulation. The goal is mutual pleasure, not performance.
3. Be involved in treatment: If your partner is open to it, offer support by talking about erectile dysfunction together, seeing a doctor or sexologist together, reading about prescribed medication, or exploring options like penis pumps. Being an active participant in the journey can strengthen your bond.

Read more: What is a sexologist?

Living well with erectile dysfunction

Sex doesn’t have to be defined by an erection. By expanding your understanding of pleasure, embracing new sensations, and incorporating sex toys and psychological arousal, you can build a satisfying and deeply intimate sex life – even with erectile dysfunction.